She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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