I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
