you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
