So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you mean i was at the winter classic?
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I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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