brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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