Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize