he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
