Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
