After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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