the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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