Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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