dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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