Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
