The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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