Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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