I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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