bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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