I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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