I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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