U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and she was petting her beer can
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
