Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
