Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
