oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
