R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
