There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Farmville is her only friend.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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