I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
