My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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