he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
