My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
