if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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