my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
