How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
