you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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