you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
