you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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