I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
