There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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