I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dignity is for republicans.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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