I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
