Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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