i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
