When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I lost the right to judge tonight
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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