I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
