Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
