so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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