how can u be prego again
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
