just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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