you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
