I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
