Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
