You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
