Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
