She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
