just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
