Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
