i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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