If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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