Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
