There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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