I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
