Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
