Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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