im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
