1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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