What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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