I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize