dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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