She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We have started to decorate penises.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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