The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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