I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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