I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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