It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
