i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
