I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
